today is a good day for a cat foot warmer

way back before we had kids, our cats were the best little space heaters available! seriously. they kept the space around my feet perfectly toasty all winter long. they would curl up around my tootsies and snuggle uggle up. sometimes under the blanket if it was cold enough. now that kids are around, the cats are no where to be seen! they hide out all day long. no idea where they go, but they go. when silas is down for a nap or bed, they venture out slowly. peaking their heads around corners to make sure the coast is clear.

Mr. Jinx E. Fat Cat

Ms. Siss E. Smarty Cat

i feel sorry for them sometimes. when they do venture out during baby waking hours, it is with great caution. silas mischievous eyes is a good (possibly better) tracker/pouncer than they are. as soon as one of the cats closes its eyes in relaxation (thinking they are out of reach) silas goes into attack mode and a few minutes later...POUNCE! silas finds it hilarious, the cat goes back into hiding after hissing at my laughing boy. i should feel sorry for the poor cats, and make silas stop. but it is just soooo funny to watch.

Silas Mischievous Eyes

anyway, i didn't intend for this post to be about my cats. i started it because my feet are cold and i'm not happy about it. i hate wearing socks while indoors but sometimes it's just cold not to wear socks. fine. i'll wear a pair of socks to prevent frost bite. here's the thing about today though. i'm wearing socks and my feet are still cold! this means i either put on another pair of socks or wear house shoes WITH socks. since clean socks are a rare occurrence for me, i'm not wasting a pair to wear over another pair. so socks and house shoes it is. if i hate wearing socks while inside, i LOATHE wearing socks and shoes indoors. my feet get claustrophobic. not joking here people. when i'm wearing socks, i'm constantly stretching out and curling my toes because they feel all constricted. not fun. not fun at all.

get on with it mom. people are tired of reading about your feet!

now for a dramatic change of subject! my kids are great! for serious here people. elijah is interacting more and more each day, silas is learning to match pitch and mimic vowel sounds. silas has started spontaneous hugging and i love it. sometimes i'm taken off guard and get bowled over if i'm sitting on the floor, but i'll take it! elijah is swiftly becoming a daddy's boy. those two have a bond that i love watching. not that dave doesn't have a bond with silas, but this one is just different. it makes me all gushy and romantic-ish. which i will spare you from.

on to more pictures of the aforementioned kids! because we all know that's why you came here. not to read about my cats and feet, but to get your cuteness quota in for the day.

hope your day is full of living and loving!

granny and her boy(s)!

i've been baking and christmas-ing like a machine lately. i want my boys to remember that christmas is special and not just because of the presents under the tree. we've been singing 'baby Jesus went to sleep' a lot lately and i can't help but think of my granny. she was special. she made everything special. little things are ingrained in my brain that might mean nothing to anyone else, but she made those little nuggets of memories special. cream cheese on club crackers. cornbread made with white corn meal. orange cookies. getting my hair caught in her glasses every time i gave her a kiss or hug. the way her eyes would crinkle when she smiled. little things. peppermint bark at christmas.

anyway, this isn't a sad post. this is a i'm so glad that my boys will have special memories with their granny post. silas is a granny's boy through and through. that kid doesn't cry when i leave a room, but you take him away from granny and you would have thought the end of the world was coming. i'm glad we live close. i'm glad that they will have a similar relationship with their granny that i had with mine. elijah doesn't have that bond with her yet, but it's coming. it's coming fast. and i can't wait to see it!

my mom is awesome. she's a great mom, friend, confidant, and granny. she's always there when i need her and will never stop loving me or my boys. i thank the Lord daily for her. i wouldn't  be the wife and mommy that i am today if it weren't for her.

a few pics of granny and her boy silas! (i do have pics of her and elijah, but not any that are uploaded anywhere on the internet. i need to get on that and then edit this post!)

this is really just a photo bomb!

i'm one and a half months into this whole mom of two thing. we have good days and bad days but the good totally outweighs the bad! i feel like we're all settling in and figuring it out. i find that silas is much more agreeable when he gets some undivided attention first thing in the morning. thankfully he gets up before elijah, so that makes it easy. i'm hoping it stays that way! probably won't, but we'll cross that bridge when/if we get there.


  big brother likes to steal little brother's paci and then laugh hysterically!

i'm feeling my need for caffeine increase. after i found out i was pregnant with silas, i cut back on my caffeine intake DRASTICALLY. i went from 2 pots of coffee a day to about 1 cup a day. after he was born i didn't really go back to my habit of 2 pots. i basically kept it at 1-2 cups a day, if any at all. while pregnant with elijah i only drank a cup of coffee on those days that i was just DRAGGING. well, the past week i have been exhausted. i have found myself drinking upwards of a half a pot a day. as much as i love coffee, i don't want to get back to where i was. the problem, obviously, is that i have a 17 month old and a 1.5 month. i am sleep deprived! pass the flavored creamer!



being a mama of two boys is proving to be the most rewarding thing that i have ever done. i thought being a teacher was the most rewarding, and it was until these two crackerjacks came into the world! i wouldn't trade these two little bits for anything in the world.







there isn't really a point to this post. i just needed a reason to post some pictures! hope your day is full of living and loving!

30 things i am thankful for

first off, happy thanksgiving everyone! i'm looking forward to spending the afternoon with family and then taking a nap. well, i'll take a nap provided my boys cooperate. so i guess that part is still up in the air!

on to my list of thankful things (in no particular order):

1. Jesus Christ, my savior and best friend
2. my husband
3. silas
4. elijah
5. pumpkin desserts
6. the internet
7. music
8. good friends
9. baby formula
10. mr. jinx e. fat cat
11. ms. siss e. lazy cat
12. veggietales
13. vehicles that run
14. my mom and dad
15. extended family
16. facebook
17. the health of little family
18. good coffee
19. seasonal creamers
20. the ability to read and write
21. unsolicited hugs and kisses from silas
22. my christian upbringing
23. medical professionals
24. the ability to heat my house
25. the Bible
26. pandora internet radio
27. huggies overnight diapers
28. love in all its shapes and sizes
29. blogger
30. the moments where silas is very gentle and loving with elijah

i could go on and on about what i am thankful for, but i needed to put a number on it so that i would know when i was done. i hope your thanksgiving is full of living and loving and that you tell everyone important to you that you love them!

10 things i can't live without

 

1. ring sling - the picture shown is a maya wrap, but i use a sling from sleeping baby productions. it is a must with silas running around elijah wanting to be held a bunch. life saver!

2. swaddleme blanket - elijah is jumpy and startles himself awake if his arms aren't nice and snug. silas was the same way!

3. hazelnut creamer - my go to flavor! enough said.

4. munchkin snack traps - keeps snacks accessible but not messable. ha!  seriously though i hand that back to silas while driving and he's happy with a snack and i'm happy the snack doesn't end up all over the place and in elijah's carseat. 

5. pandora internet radio - lullaby channel for the win! it calms both my boys and helps keep me sane. it's not all the same lullabies over and over and most of them are by artists that i actually like. they aren't all kidd-ish.

6. my husband - he lets me sleep in when he has time off. he keeps silas occupied in the evenings so that i can actually get some stuff done. he is on baby duty every night during a certain time so i can get silas down for the count. 

7. fisher price infant to toddler rocker - it saved my life with silas and it's doing the same thing with elijah. it vibrates and is sort of a bassinet of sorts. great for naps during the day. i can also hold silas and rock this thing with my foot to keep both boys happy. 

8. veggietales - this can pretty much guarantee me 30 - 45 minutes when i need them. they also can help calm silas down when he's throwing a fit. plus they don't annoy me like other kid shows. 

9. burts bees chapstick - only one person really knows this, but my lips are kissably soft! and i credit this to mr. burt and his bees.

10. my boys - elijah may only be a month old, but i can't imagine my life without these two boys! they make my days bright and challenging and beautiful and stressful and i wouldn't change it for the world!  

adjusting

adjusting is the theme for this past week, and i'm sure for weeks to come. elijah is adjusting to being on the outside. silas is adjusting to having a brother and everything that entails. dave and i are adjusting to what it means to be parents of two. we, as a family of four, are adjusting to being. just being.

silas is having a hard time, and i can understand that. he doesn't really have a way to express his emotions and it's coming out in aggressive actions and temper tantrums. he will randomly smack whoever he is closest to (and this has been elijah on several occasions). he has started banging his head on the floor when he doesn't get his way. whining all day. i feel bad for him. i feel like i spend half (or more) of the day telling him 'no' or losing my patience with him because he has smacked, or head butted, me in the face. again. i don't want to be that mom. the one that is constantly yelling or disciplining her children. i want the good to outweigh the bad, but right now...well. we're adjusting.

elijah's jaundice is getting better. he is still a bit yellowish, but not nearly as bad as what it was. he's adjusting quite well to the feeding schedule that the doctor wants him on. two to three ounces every two to three hours. i, on the other hand, am not adjusting well. i feel like i'm constantly feeding him and i would KILL for a block of about five hours of sleep. deep, uninterrupted sleep. i know it's what is best for him, so i do it and i do it gladly, but i'd kill for some good sleep.

dave has been home with us since the day before elijah was born. he goes back to work tomorrow. he's not looking forward to leaving the boys. silas and him have become super tight over the past week and he's loving that new facet of their relationship and hating that he's leaving me alone and still recovering. he's looking forward to going back to work, but would love to stay with us a little bit longer. he's also adjusting to lots less sleep. since i've got elijah duty, he's taken over all silas's night time needs. which lately have been many. he's up several times a night, sometimes for long stretches. he's adjusting. i won't say he's adjusting well, but he is adjusting!

we are learning what it means to be a family of four. we are evolving into something that i like very much. not that i didn't like our family before, it's just well...we're adjusting and fitting everyone in and making special time for everyone. it's great. dave and i make sure to spend time with each son, individually, every day. then we get our time when they go to bed. we're adjusting.

sometimes i think we're adjusting quite well. other times i think i'm failing at this parenting thing. but we'll adjust. move forward. grow. learn. be. i'm working really hard on just being.

hormonal mama bear

when elijah came home from the hospital on friday, we had to make an appointment to come see the pediatrician on monday because his billirubin levels were a bit high. so we went to the doctor today. dave and i and both boys. it was an adventure getting out the door to say the least. i would wrangle silas while dave was feeding elijah. then i would hold elijah so i could feed him and pack the diaper bag while dave was dressing silas. then we lost boo (silas's lovey that he HAS to have at all times) and couldn't find my keys. i was surprised we made it on time to our appointment. then when we get there, silas decides it's time to pitch his first public fit and be a general handful the entire time. and let me tell you, the entire time was a LONG time.

we had to have lab work done on elijah to check for his billirubin levels. then we had our appointment and then had wait for the lab results. we were in the exam room for a total of an hour and half. sometimes dave would have to take silas out to the lobby to let him run around and play with the toys and sometimes he would bring him back in the exam room with elijah and i. finally, the pediatrician asked us if we had errands to run and if she could call us. we did have stuff to do before heading home, so we left. we went and ate lunch and were about to go grocery/baby shopping when we got the call. elijah's levels had risen from 12.5 to 18.3. that is a little too close to dangerous levels for mine and our doctor's comfort level and we decided to have elijah admitted to the hospital for observation and to put him under the billi lights.

my mama bear side roared to life as soon as she suggested admittance to the hospital. i immediately bucked against the thought that i hadn't done enough to get his levels to go down on their own. dave talked me down and reminded me that there wasn't much more that i could have done. then when we were admitted i was fighting for him not to have an iv. the nurses wanted to just do one, but i was convinced that he was eating well enough and was hydrated well enough to not need one. finally the nurse called the doctor and she agreed with me! so thankfully, he didn't have to deal with an iv. just the billi lights.

so now, here i sit in the hospital a hormonal wreck. i gave birth five days ago and i'm still pretty sore from my c-section. i can't hold and cuddle my baby but once every three hours for 30 minutes. i'm praying and crying and watching a marathon of pawn stars. i know jaundice isn't that big of a deal, but i can't help but be worried. the nurses think that his levels should go down pretty quickly and i'm praying that they do.

i'm glad we caught this early, but i just want to take my baby home. i miss silas. we were just getting settled into somewhat of a routine and silas was starting to show lots of interest in elijah. he was crawling into my lap and rubbing elijah's head and stroking his face. now i'm afraid that him staying with mom and dad again tonight (possibly tomorrow night) will just set us back. thankfully dave has this week off.

so anyway, if you're praying people, pray for elijah. pray for me. pray for my family.

 

 wrapped up in the billi light thingy

and just because he is beautiful!

 

Dear Boys,

right now, at 3:54 am, there is really only one boy but later this morning there will be two. elijah will join silas as the sons of sarah allen! that kind of sounds like a western. ask your daddy or papas about that though.

I don't actually have to be up for about an hour to get ready to go to the hospital, but i can't sleep. i'm wondering how silas is doing over at granny's house and i'm wondering how elijah is doing in my tummy. elijah, you're a couple hours from making your debut and i'm starting to wonder what you look like. what color is your hair? do you favor me or your daddy more?

my heart seems to be in two different places this morning. is that possible? my entire heart is with silas as he's getting ready to have his world turned upside down. here's the thing though! my entire heart is here with elijah right now as well. i'm praying that he will find his place in this family. not just as the little brother, but as elijah. it's a good thing a mama's love doesn't have to be divided and that it can be multiplied. i feel like i'm bursting with all this love!

i'm not going to lie, though. i'm a little worried about the pair of you. will you be great friends or life long opposites who can't get along? it is my prayer that you will each have your own personality, but that you will fit together like peas and carrots. that you will be separate, but best of friends. elijah, i am so glad that your brother is not going to be an only child. don't get me wrong, i like being an only child, but i feel...well, i'm just glad that silas will have you to lean on and that you can lean on him. when things get tough, and there will be tough times, you will have each other. don't forget that. you will have each other.

i need to start getting ready to go to the hospital, but i just want you both to know that i love you. silas, you made me a mama and you're my first. i love your crooked smile and mop of blonde curls. i love that you love to run and play and be rough housed. i love your adventure seeking spirit that is already coming out. i love you for who you are.

elijah, i haven't met you yet, but know that i already love you to the moon and back. you're my second boy. the one who multiplied the love in this house. the reason that i can't stop thinking about brothers and their bonds. bonds to each other. bonds to their daddy and especially bonds they have with their mamas. i can't wait to meet you!

love,
mama

to receive a package...and mama emotions

i have long had a love affair with real mail. there is something special about getting a handwritten note from a special friend. you get a little thrill at the sight of their handwriting amid the pile of junk mail and bills. my walk back from the mailbox is always a bit more peppy when i get a real letter!

so how in the world do you think i feel when my mailman actually knocks on my door and hands me a package that i didn't order, or wasn't expecting? it's like the heavens open up and the most beautiful version of the Hallelujah Chorus trumpets from the clouds. i'm serious here people. i LOVE getting a package from a friend.

so today my mailman hands me this:

 

 

addresses removed for safety reasons! :o)

my heart started pounding fast when i remembered that my friend ruthie had recently sent me a message asking me for my address. thankfully silas was sleeping and i was able to enjoy this moment for myself! i ripped the paper off and this what i saw:

purple box, blue tissue paper, and a note! i seriously was quivering with excitement!

i open the note first and it was so sweet and made my excitement grow even more! it promised a gift to keep my new baby warm...

i pulled the tissue paper back and pulled out a work of art!

seriously! art!

 
when i saw it, i was overcome. literally. my mama emotions (read that hormones) kicked into high gear and the tears just flowed. ruthie and kendra had made a similar blanket for silas, and i used that as his coming home from the hospital blanket. it still gets tons of snuggles and is one of my favorite gifts i received for silas. i had just made the decision last night to use that same blanket to bring elijah home with and washed it and dried it. as i pulled it out of the dryer i was a bit sad that silas was going to be sharing this blanket and i thought maybe i should use a different one for elijah. but i LOVE this blanket so much and wanted him to use it, so i folded it and put it with our hospital stuff.

the blanket ruthie and kendra made for silas

so anyway, i seriously opened this package and cried. elijah grey had is very own special blanket and silas doesn't have to share his. getting this blanket today made me really, really excited to have this baby. not just be done being pregnant, but to have this baby and hold him and snuggle him and rub great smelling pink baby lotion on him.

so ruthie, THANK YOU! you are a very special friend and i am so glad that you are in my life! thanks for my brother blankets!

the first brother blanket on top and the second brother blanket on the bottom! 

they make a great pair!

if i were a perfect mother...

-i would have already sterilized the new baby's bottles.

-i would have broken my son's current habit of having to be held to go to sleep.

-i would have already sorted through all the little tiny boy clothes so that new baby's stuff was all ready to go.

-i would have stocked up on gas drops. because if this baby is anything like silas, then heaven help us! i'm going to need those drops.

-i would have kept up with silas's baby book. i'm so not a scrapbooker.

-i would have my house cleaned top to bottom and my hospital bag sitting next to the door. just in case i go earlier than expected.

-i would put off homework in favor of an extra snuggle before bedtime.

-i would get in the floor and play with legos regardless of the fact that i feel like a baby is getting ready to fall out of me.

-i would have given my child a bath tonight instead of a wipe down and a lotion up.

-i wouldn't have gotten angry when my child threw his food all over the floor.

-i wouldn't have cared that my laptop got knocked off the desk and onto the floor.

-i wouldn't have put in a second veggietales video just so i could finish my paper on sibling relationships and birth order.


it's a good thing perfection doesn't exsist. here's to hoping that it's okay to just be a good mother!

can i be honest with ya'll?

no seriously? can i? because i'm about to be honest. really honest. like should-she-really-post-this-on-the-internet honest here.

i'm having a baby in 16 days. SIXTEEN DAYS! another baby. i already have one baby! well, he's not really a baby so much any more. he's more of toddler. what's in the middle of toddler and baby? would that be a twoddler? what in the world was God thinking when he decided it was time to bless us with another baby? i thought i was nervous when my due date was approaching with silas. this is terror. sheer terror.

i'm serious. i'm terrified right now. i have no idea how to handle two children under the age of two. don't even think about saying something like 'well, you didn't know how to handle a newborn until you had silas' to me either. i might punch you in the face. you know i'm in a tizzy when i threaten bodily harm. i'm a passivist for pete's sake!

i'm afraid of how silas will react. he's been the center of my attention for 15 months. his whole life and now, all of a sudden, he's going to have to share. i'm trying hard to get him to sit beside me instead of on my lap. we're teaching 'gentle touch' instead of hitting (ask me how that's working out!). we talk about having a baby. i'm trying my best to prepare a 15 month old for a new brother, and i have no idea if he gets it or not. are we going to damage his little psyche by throwing this all on him? you must think i'm crazy.

all joking aside. i really am terrified. i'm nervous about having another c-section. i'm afraid i won't remember elijah's birth like how i don't remember silas being born. i'm afraid that i won't be able to give silas the affection that he needs simply because i can't pick him up and cuddle like we normally do. i'm afraid that this baby will always feel second.

does that make sense? that elijah will always feel second? i don't want that. i'm afraid that because he's the second born that he won't feel as important. i know that it's up to me and dave to make sure that doesn't happen, but what about everyone else? do people look at the second child differently than the first? i want him to be his own person. i want people to know his name is elijah, not silas's little brother. i want him to be able to feel just as important.

oh, i'm just rambling now.

sixteen days until my life changes drastically. again. i couldn't be more elated and terrified!

today i am thankful for (a list)

today i'm thankful for:

-my husband who let me sleep in until 10:00 am. he got up with silas, fed him breakfast, romped around the playroom, and probably watched a veggietales video all while i slept. all spread out in the bed all by myself! it was glorious!

-a clean playroom. since i got to sleep in this morning, i had no need for a nap when silas went down. so while he and daddy napped, i tackled the playroom. silas was confused when he came back downstairs though! i even picked up the toys tonight after he went to bed. i must keep this up!

-the rain. last year, around this time, i made a comment to someone that when it was all rainy it made me miss being a teacher. my reason was because when i was teaching, and it was raining, i wished i was at home with a cup of coffee on my couch, reading a book. a year ago i was wishing that i was at school wishing that i was at home, with a cup of coffee, on my couch reading a book (did that make sense?). this year, though, when it's all rainy i snuggle my little guy and read him another book or stack another lego or wipe his runny nose for the 50th time and i drink my iced tea because being about 8 months pregnant makes me HOT! (i'm talking temperature here folks)

-my new camera. it allows me to take pictures that i am in love with.

i didn't take this one today, but it's an example! :o)

-decaf iced tea. i'm tired of water and every time i go to the baby doc he says 'drink more water'. the problem is that i have not so good water at my house. it's from a well and has sulfur in it. a not pregnant me could drink this water with no problems, but as soon as this bun got into the oven, that smell would almost kill me. even brushing my teeth makes me sick! so i'm constantly schlepping water from my parent's house and even though they have great water, i'm just tired of it. so iced tea it is!

-a good date book. it keeps me organized. i've got two graduate classes, a 14 month old (with various appointments...he's a busy little guy), bi-weekly OB visits, and a husband who has a work schedule that changes weekly. with the crazy pregnant brain that i've been experiencing lately, i'd drown without it!

-the thought that in a month i can go back to drinking more than one cup of coffee every now and then. i don't ever want to get back to my two pots a day addiction, but it would be nice to have a cup or two every day. just to keep me on my toes.

-christmas lists. this year we've decided to make as many of our gifts (for family and friends) as possible. so it's been fun to try to make a list of who would like this and so and so would LOVE that. i love giving presents!

-the quiet to finish this list. the husband is asleep, the boy is in his bed, the cats are keeping my feet warm, and it's quiet.

may your day/night/afternoon be a blessed one!

i'm done

disclaimer: this post is going to be full of complaints. so if you don't want to hear me complain, you can just click the back or close button!

i'm done:

-with getting in the floor to play with silas or to change a diaper. from here on out, he's going to get changed on the couch and if he wants to play with me, it's going to be at a table. go ahead, call me a bad mom! i dare ya! :o)
-being pregnant. i mean seriously. two pregnancies (and two c-sections) in two years is craziness. i found out i was pregnant with silas in october of 2009 and i'm having elijah in october of 2011. granted, i took a seven month break in there, but...i kind of know how my grandmother felt now.
-with trying to clean in long stretches. i tried to clean up the living room while silas was taking his morning nap. well, after about 30 minutes i was cramping and light headed. so i gave up. now he's taking his afternoon nap and i'm doing nothing. i need to start setting a timer for like 10 minutes. clean for 10, take a 10 minute break. clean for another 10, take another break. i feel like it will take forever, but it's got to be done.
-with silas sleeping in our bed. we have tried and tried to transition him out of our bed, but every time we think we're making progress, something happens and we're back to square one. i shouldn't say square one. square one would be him starting the night in our bed. he now starts the night in his bed, but then sometime around 2:00 am wanders over to me in my bed. i put him back in his bed, sit on the floor, rub his back, etc until he's back asleep. then it's the same thing around 3:30 am. then again at 4:45 am. by that time i'm so tired of getting in and out of bed, sitting on the floor, trying to get my pregnant butt back up, that i just let him crawl in bed with us. so this is my fault. i know it is, but i just don't know what else to do!
-with not being able to cuddle with my husband at night. whether it be because we have a squiggly 14 month old between us or because i have to use a massive body pillow to get comfortable with. i want to be able to lay on my side and throw one arm over my husbands stomach and lay my head on his chest. is that too much to ask?
-with this heat. i feel like a bad mom, because i can barely stand to take silas outside because it's soooo hot. if we go out in the mornings when it's not a billion degrees, we get all wet because of the dewy grass. if we go out in the early afternoon, we'll get sun burnt. if we go out in the evening, it's still blazing hot AND there are a million bugs that like to feed on my little boy. add on to that the fact that if i get slightly hot, my feet swell like crazy. thankfully he's got a daddy to take him outside and a papaw that is more than willing to play in the big outside with him.
-with this post. it feels good to let some of my complaints out into the void. i usually just keep them bottled up and to myself so as not to bother anyone. but it sure feels good to get them out!

and just because:

this actually happened on a cooler day. so i didn't mind being outside! :o)

so apparently i have a sinus infection. it's great. awesome in fact. my head feels like it weighs 40 pounds, i have a barking cough that wakes up silas, and i can't breath through my nose. which means i'm a mouth breather with massively chapped lips. love.it. add all that to the fact that i'm chasing a toddler around most of the day and trying to stay on top of school stuff. well, this pic (actually his onsie) says it all.

it says: My Mommy is Exhausted...just in case you can't make it out in the pic...

but, all is not horrible! elijah is doing well, silas likes black beans and salsa, and dave and i get a 'date' night tomorrow. that is if i get all my homework done during the day!

so yeah. have a good night/day!

and just because....

dear elijah,

i find it funny that you choose the times when your brother is silent to make yourself known. when he's quietly drifting off to sleep in my lap, you start doing jumping jacks. or when he's finally full on asleep for the night, that's when you decide to get my attention. are you already figuring out that he's a blabber mouth and you have to wait patiently for him to hush so you can get a word in? it never fails, if silas is being loud, you are quiet. if silas is being quiet, you are jumping around like a crazy man. i love it.

rest assured, though, that if silas refuses to let you talk i'll step in! i won't let you be the brother that just sits by and does whatever big bro says. no siree! i want two strong willed sons! and even if that means that i have a shouting match or two on my hands, at least i know that you are sticking up for yourself buddy. you are telling your brother that you matter too and that your ideas are just as valid and good!

i really am wondering about you though. what color hair will you have? will your eyes be blue or some other color? will you be the quieter one? the planner? the calculator? silas just goes head first into everything without thinking it through. granted, he's only 13 months old but that's how he seems. will you walk and talk quicker than he did simply because you want to keep up? it is my prayer that you will be you. that i can help you find who that is. that you can be confident in your skin and own your self.

elijah, son of my heart, i love you. my second born. the boy that will make me a mama of two. the boy that i will protect fiercely, pray for daily, and always (always) love.

love,
mama

let the late night reading begin

so i've decided that i may be crazy. i'm taking two online graduate classes this semester, i have a one year old, a new baby on the way, and i recently finished my application to substitute teach. once we get dave's schedule worked out so that we have child care, i'll be subbing two (possibly three) days a week. i may be crazy. i'm still waiting on an official diagnosis.

i know that many moms have it a lot crazier than me. i'm not writing all this out with the hope that you will pat me on the back and tell me that i'm the world's greatest whatever and that i can accomplish whatever i set my mind to. cause you know what? i may not be the greatest anything, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I CAN accomplish whatever it is that i set my mind to. last semester i set the goal for a 3.5 gpa. this time around, with only two classes, i'm shooting for a 4.0. that's right folks. an A in both classes!

so let the late night reading commence. i've already hacked my way through half of one reading assignment and started on the written assignment for one class, finished up and submitted bios for each class, and it's only tuesday night. i'm feeling pretty good about right now!

today i aquired a picnic basket

the title says it all. and when you read it, make sure you read it with hope and love and sun shiny days and rainbows in your heart! because everyone knows that you can't have a picnic basket without having a good time. be prepared for glitter and rainbows folks...

with this basket comes plans. i'm talking serious plans. plans that include blankets, apple slices, a thermos of something cold to drink, and peanut butter sandwiches. traipsing through the hay field to get the perfect sunny spot and then snapping the blanket out on the ground while my boys chase butterflies or lizards or sword fight with sticks. then we'll eat and discuss the blue sky and green grass and pursuing joy in everything we do. or maybe we'll pretend that we are stranded on an island and we're hiding from pirates. or maybe we've made it to narnia somehow and we've stopped for lunch before making the trek to the stone table to meet up with aslan.

(i told you to be prepared for glitter and rainbows here people!)

anyway, i have plans for this basket. i may even strap the boy to my back, traipse around the hay field, and try my hand at a picnic for two tomorrow. we'll see. for now, though, i'll stick to dreaming about the trips this basket will go on. i'll start planning excursions now so that i have a stock pile of ideas ready when silas or elijah asks for an adventure. every good adventure needs a good lunch. and every good lunch needs a picnic basket!

sleepy

i had no desire to get out of bed today. i'm talking about i really prayed hard that silas would just go back to sleep so that i could re-close my eyes and drift back into a wondrous slumber. it didn't work. this is one prayer that i'm wishing God would have answered. oh well.

i'm starting to be over being pregnant. i'm getting beat up from the inside, not sleeping well, can't get comfortable, and i'm having problems playing with silas. he wants to be rough and tumble, and i'm fine with that, but he wants me to be rough and tumble with him. i just can't do it. praise the Lord that dave is rough and tumble with him. he gets home and 'rough houses' with silas and he gets his fix. for the most part.

my brain isn't working. so i'm just going to go for a list.

-i'm tired.
-my dryer has stopped working again. praise the Lord for a clothes line and warm weather.
-i love cheese. any kind. cheddar slices on whole wheat bread has become my go to snack. i'm even thinking about having it for breakfast.
-i'm praying for an early nap today. please God let silas take a nap early this afternoon!
-i'm too tired to write anymore.

rainy tuesday

today is one of those rainy lazy days. this morning silas and i sat on our porch swing and drank coffee and ate our breakfast. well, i drank coffee (half caff) and he drank apple juice. we ate cereal and yogurt with a few grapes thrown in for good measure. it was a good morning.

we clap and cheer every time it thunders at our house in hopes that silas won't be scared of thunder storms. as if on cue, the thunder started shortly after we ate breakfast (thankfully! clapping and cheering while eating is a bit hard right now). silas immediately started clapping without me. it was fun to see him start on his own, without my prompting. usually he gets this weird look on his face with loud thunder, then starts cheering after i do. today he did it on his own! so proud of that little dude.

i had more planned, but dave just walked in the door. so i'll be back for more later. maybe!

in three months

so everyone has wondered where they will be in five years. or maybe your number of choice is ten years. whatever. that's not the point. the point is that we spend time thinking about the future. we set goals and make notes and give time lines and plan like dickens! (what is 'the dickens' anyway?) we plan it all out like we have control or something. we spend hours laying in bed beside our husbands whispering things like "when we have this done" or "when the kids get older" or "when we are out of debt" and dream away our lives. and that is a sad thing, to dream away your life.

am i saying that it is bad to plan and scheme and figure things out for the future? uhhh....BIG NOPE! did you read the post a few days ago? i'm preaching to myself here. yes we need plans and goals and time lines and dickened plans! but not at the cost of the moment. the right now awesome in your face life that happens every second of every day.

in three months i'll, more than likely, i'll have a week old baby and a fifteen month old. (please say a prayer for me!) in three months my son's life will forever change. he'll be a big brother and no longer the baby. i'm trying my hardest to live for every second. i'm making memories with just him. documenting his history as an only child. i'm putting dirt into a kiddy pool and adding water just so that i have a memory of him all by himself covered in ooey gooey mud (true story).

the weeks before silas was born i craved every single second of dave's attention. now in the weeks and months before elijah gets here i crave every single second of silas's attention. i want to make the most of every, single moment. remember every single hug. burn images into my mind of every smile.

with someone this cute that's not so hard though!







carpe diem folks!