let the late night reading begin

so i've decided that i may be crazy. i'm taking two online graduate classes this semester, i have a one year old, a new baby on the way, and i recently finished my application to substitute teach. once we get dave's schedule worked out so that we have child care, i'll be subbing two (possibly three) days a week. i may be crazy. i'm still waiting on an official diagnosis.

i know that many moms have it a lot crazier than me. i'm not writing all this out with the hope that you will pat me on the back and tell me that i'm the world's greatest whatever and that i can accomplish whatever i set my mind to. cause you know what? i may not be the greatest anything, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I CAN accomplish whatever it is that i set my mind to. last semester i set the goal for a 3.5 gpa. this time around, with only two classes, i'm shooting for a 4.0. that's right folks. an A in both classes!

so let the late night reading commence. i've already hacked my way through half of one reading assignment and started on the written assignment for one class, finished up and submitted bios for each class, and it's only tuesday night. i'm feeling pretty good about right now!

today i aquired a picnic basket

the title says it all. and when you read it, make sure you read it with hope and love and sun shiny days and rainbows in your heart! because everyone knows that you can't have a picnic basket without having a good time. be prepared for glitter and rainbows folks...

with this basket comes plans. i'm talking serious plans. plans that include blankets, apple slices, a thermos of something cold to drink, and peanut butter sandwiches. traipsing through the hay field to get the perfect sunny spot and then snapping the blanket out on the ground while my boys chase butterflies or lizards or sword fight with sticks. then we'll eat and discuss the blue sky and green grass and pursuing joy in everything we do. or maybe we'll pretend that we are stranded on an island and we're hiding from pirates. or maybe we've made it to narnia somehow and we've stopped for lunch before making the trek to the stone table to meet up with aslan.

(i told you to be prepared for glitter and rainbows here people!)

anyway, i have plans for this basket. i may even strap the boy to my back, traipse around the hay field, and try my hand at a picnic for two tomorrow. we'll see. for now, though, i'll stick to dreaming about the trips this basket will go on. i'll start planning excursions now so that i have a stock pile of ideas ready when silas or elijah asks for an adventure. every good adventure needs a good lunch. and every good lunch needs a picnic basket!

sleepy

i had no desire to get out of bed today. i'm talking about i really prayed hard that silas would just go back to sleep so that i could re-close my eyes and drift back into a wondrous slumber. it didn't work. this is one prayer that i'm wishing God would have answered. oh well.

i'm starting to be over being pregnant. i'm getting beat up from the inside, not sleeping well, can't get comfortable, and i'm having problems playing with silas. he wants to be rough and tumble, and i'm fine with that, but he wants me to be rough and tumble with him. i just can't do it. praise the Lord that dave is rough and tumble with him. he gets home and 'rough houses' with silas and he gets his fix. for the most part.

my brain isn't working. so i'm just going to go for a list.

-i'm tired.
-my dryer has stopped working again. praise the Lord for a clothes line and warm weather.
-i love cheese. any kind. cheddar slices on whole wheat bread has become my go to snack. i'm even thinking about having it for breakfast.
-i'm praying for an early nap today. please God let silas take a nap early this afternoon!
-i'm too tired to write anymore.

rainy tuesday

today is one of those rainy lazy days. this morning silas and i sat on our porch swing and drank coffee and ate our breakfast. well, i drank coffee (half caff) and he drank apple juice. we ate cereal and yogurt with a few grapes thrown in for good measure. it was a good morning.

we clap and cheer every time it thunders at our house in hopes that silas won't be scared of thunder storms. as if on cue, the thunder started shortly after we ate breakfast (thankfully! clapping and cheering while eating is a bit hard right now). silas immediately started clapping without me. it was fun to see him start on his own, without my prompting. usually he gets this weird look on his face with loud thunder, then starts cheering after i do. today he did it on his own! so proud of that little dude.

i had more planned, but dave just walked in the door. so i'll be back for more later. maybe!

in three months

so everyone has wondered where they will be in five years. or maybe your number of choice is ten years. whatever. that's not the point. the point is that we spend time thinking about the future. we set goals and make notes and give time lines and plan like dickens! (what is 'the dickens' anyway?) we plan it all out like we have control or something. we spend hours laying in bed beside our husbands whispering things like "when we have this done" or "when the kids get older" or "when we are out of debt" and dream away our lives. and that is a sad thing, to dream away your life.

am i saying that it is bad to plan and scheme and figure things out for the future? uhhh....BIG NOPE! did you read the post a few days ago? i'm preaching to myself here. yes we need plans and goals and time lines and dickened plans! but not at the cost of the moment. the right now awesome in your face life that happens every second of every day.

in three months i'll, more than likely, i'll have a week old baby and a fifteen month old. (please say a prayer for me!) in three months my son's life will forever change. he'll be a big brother and no longer the baby. i'm trying my hardest to live for every second. i'm making memories with just him. documenting his history as an only child. i'm putting dirt into a kiddy pool and adding water just so that i have a memory of him all by himself covered in ooey gooey mud (true story).

the weeks before silas was born i craved every single second of dave's attention. now in the weeks and months before elijah gets here i crave every single second of silas's attention. i want to make the most of every, single moment. remember every single hug. burn images into my mind of every smile.

with someone this cute that's not so hard though!







carpe diem folks!

i'm a proud mama today!

i have known for a few months that silas isn't allergic to peanuts. he's had peanut butter on toast and bananas, but i hadn't given him the true test yet. will he eat, and enjoy, peanut butter on pancakes? the answer is yes. yes he does! for breakfast this morning he had three quarters of a large pancake schmutzed with peanut butter, five grapes, and a sippy cup full of water.

i have converted my husband to the club of peanut butter on pancakes while we were still dating and i am very glad! my parents are a house divided. my dad smears the peanut buttery goodness all over his pancakes and waffles while my mom turns up her nose and spreads regular old butter. thankfully this is not cause for distress in their marriage!

let's just hope that elijah (have a shared that yet? the new baby will be elijah grey!) likes peanut butter on his pancakes. i don't think i could handle a house divided. no matter how much of an example my parents are!

temporary home

i am a horrible blogger. just throwing that out there and getting it out of the way! :o) now on to the actual post!

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i have been tossing this post around in my head for quite sometime. i just haven't had the time, energy, or actual want to get it out of my head and into the great big internet. people who know me know that i suffer from occasional bouts of depression and every time i start to think about what i'm going to write, i'm likely to either be in a depressed state or about to head into one. this time though, i'm not going to. this time i'm looking with different eyes. hopefully.

today i heard carrie underwood's song Temporary Home on pandora while silas and i were playing. i was immediately drawn to the words and had to look them up and find the video on youtube.



(warning it's a bit of a tear jerker...or maybe it's just because i'm in a contemplative mood and pregnant...read the lyrics here!)

i can't really relate to any of the characters in the song, but i can so relate to the mood and overall feel of the song. i'm in my temporary home. i'm not just talking about terra firma here, though my life on this earth is temporary. i'm talking about where i am in the world at this exact moment. my life right now.

don't misunderstand me, i love my life. i'm at home with son every day and get to witness him grow up right before my eyes. i'm growing another little boy. my marriage is great. my cats are good. our finances aren't perfect, but our heads are above water. i'm working on my masters. life is good. we're living, loving and pursuing happiness. i'm content.

but this is temporary.

this isn't exactly what i want for my family and for myself. i miss teaching like i would miss oxygen if it were suddenly taken from earth. i truly feel that God has called me to the teaching profession, but just not right now (i'm learning lesson in waiting). that career, or any career for that matter, makes me feel important. like i mean something. like i can have what i want because i deserve it. i want my own house, with walls that are painted the colors that i pick out instead of what my landlord wants. i want to put our hard earned money towards an investment instead of a rental. i want family vacations and spur of the moment weekend trips. i want to be able to afford to fix my car if something happens. i want to be able impulse buy a new gadget. i want to take my husband to the doctor when he is sick without worrying about the $75 check i have to write to cover the visit and then the $45 check i have to write to pay for his prescriptions. i want to be comfortable. i want to know that we are going to be able to pay for this winter's electric bill without sacrificing something else.

i know all that sounds selfish. every sentence in that last paragraph was i want. self centered. pity party invites all around! go ahead, tell me to be content. tell me to rely on the One Who Holds the Future. i'll agree with you. i do agree with you! i tell myself that on a daily basis. i pray for contentment and for the ability to rely fully on God. i'm getting there. i really am. God has taught me many, many things over the past year. but He never takes away my yearning for something more. He never takes away my dream of being back in the classroom. He never takes away my desire to have, and be, better for my family. and i'm learning to use those desires to push myself forward.

yes, things are tough sometimes. i still look back on how i came to be in this situation and i get angry and bitter. i'm working on that too. the difference now is that i'm trying to get myself out of this 'temporary home' and into a more permanent one. and i'm not just talking a house here people. i know that someday i'll be where i want to be. that i'll be doing what i love with people who love me. i know that my boys will grow up happy and loved and that my husband and i will be stronger because of this temporary home.

home is where my family is. right now it's in a big drafty farm house with bad insulation and drafty windows. tomorrow it's still going to be a big drafty farm house with bad insulation and drafty windows. but next year? in five years? who knows? for now, though, i'm working on being content in my temporary home.

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"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."