i'm done

disclaimer: this post is going to be full of complaints. so if you don't want to hear me complain, you can just click the back or close button!

i'm done:

-with getting in the floor to play with silas or to change a diaper. from here on out, he's going to get changed on the couch and if he wants to play with me, it's going to be at a table. go ahead, call me a bad mom! i dare ya! :o)
-being pregnant. i mean seriously. two pregnancies (and two c-sections) in two years is craziness. i found out i was pregnant with silas in october of 2009 and i'm having elijah in october of 2011. granted, i took a seven month break in there, but...i kind of know how my grandmother felt now.
-with trying to clean in long stretches. i tried to clean up the living room while silas was taking his morning nap. well, after about 30 minutes i was cramping and light headed. so i gave up. now he's taking his afternoon nap and i'm doing nothing. i need to start setting a timer for like 10 minutes. clean for 10, take a 10 minute break. clean for another 10, take another break. i feel like it will take forever, but it's got to be done.
-with silas sleeping in our bed. we have tried and tried to transition him out of our bed, but every time we think we're making progress, something happens and we're back to square one. i shouldn't say square one. square one would be him starting the night in our bed. he now starts the night in his bed, but then sometime around 2:00 am wanders over to me in my bed. i put him back in his bed, sit on the floor, rub his back, etc until he's back asleep. then it's the same thing around 3:30 am. then again at 4:45 am. by that time i'm so tired of getting in and out of bed, sitting on the floor, trying to get my pregnant butt back up, that i just let him crawl in bed with us. so this is my fault. i know it is, but i just don't know what else to do!
-with not being able to cuddle with my husband at night. whether it be because we have a squiggly 14 month old between us or because i have to use a massive body pillow to get comfortable with. i want to be able to lay on my side and throw one arm over my husbands stomach and lay my head on his chest. is that too much to ask?
-with this heat. i feel like a bad mom, because i can barely stand to take silas outside because it's soooo hot. if we go out in the mornings when it's not a billion degrees, we get all wet because of the dewy grass. if we go out in the early afternoon, we'll get sun burnt. if we go out in the evening, it's still blazing hot AND there are a million bugs that like to feed on my little boy. add on to that the fact that if i get slightly hot, my feet swell like crazy. thankfully he's got a daddy to take him outside and a papaw that is more than willing to play in the big outside with him.
-with this post. it feels good to let some of my complaints out into the void. i usually just keep them bottled up and to myself so as not to bother anyone. but it sure feels good to get them out!

and just because:

this actually happened on a cooler day. so i didn't mind being outside! :o)

so apparently i have a sinus infection. it's great. awesome in fact. my head feels like it weighs 40 pounds, i have a barking cough that wakes up silas, and i can't breath through my nose. which means i'm a mouth breather with massively chapped lips. love.it. add all that to the fact that i'm chasing a toddler around most of the day and trying to stay on top of school stuff. well, this pic (actually his onsie) says it all.

it says: My Mommy is Exhausted...just in case you can't make it out in the pic...

but, all is not horrible! elijah is doing well, silas likes black beans and salsa, and dave and i get a 'date' night tomorrow. that is if i get all my homework done during the day!

so yeah. have a good night/day!

and just because....

dear elijah,

i find it funny that you choose the times when your brother is silent to make yourself known. when he's quietly drifting off to sleep in my lap, you start doing jumping jacks. or when he's finally full on asleep for the night, that's when you decide to get my attention. are you already figuring out that he's a blabber mouth and you have to wait patiently for him to hush so you can get a word in? it never fails, if silas is being loud, you are quiet. if silas is being quiet, you are jumping around like a crazy man. i love it.

rest assured, though, that if silas refuses to let you talk i'll step in! i won't let you be the brother that just sits by and does whatever big bro says. no siree! i want two strong willed sons! and even if that means that i have a shouting match or two on my hands, at least i know that you are sticking up for yourself buddy. you are telling your brother that you matter too and that your ideas are just as valid and good!

i really am wondering about you though. what color hair will you have? will your eyes be blue or some other color? will you be the quieter one? the planner? the calculator? silas just goes head first into everything without thinking it through. granted, he's only 13 months old but that's how he seems. will you walk and talk quicker than he did simply because you want to keep up? it is my prayer that you will be you. that i can help you find who that is. that you can be confident in your skin and own your self.

elijah, son of my heart, i love you. my second born. the boy that will make me a mama of two. the boy that i will protect fiercely, pray for daily, and always (always) love.

love,
mama

let the late night reading begin

so i've decided that i may be crazy. i'm taking two online graduate classes this semester, i have a one year old, a new baby on the way, and i recently finished my application to substitute teach. once we get dave's schedule worked out so that we have child care, i'll be subbing two (possibly three) days a week. i may be crazy. i'm still waiting on an official diagnosis.

i know that many moms have it a lot crazier than me. i'm not writing all this out with the hope that you will pat me on the back and tell me that i'm the world's greatest whatever and that i can accomplish whatever i set my mind to. cause you know what? i may not be the greatest anything, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I CAN accomplish whatever it is that i set my mind to. last semester i set the goal for a 3.5 gpa. this time around, with only two classes, i'm shooting for a 4.0. that's right folks. an A in both classes!

so let the late night reading commence. i've already hacked my way through half of one reading assignment and started on the written assignment for one class, finished up and submitted bios for each class, and it's only tuesday night. i'm feeling pretty good about right now!

today i aquired a picnic basket

the title says it all. and when you read it, make sure you read it with hope and love and sun shiny days and rainbows in your heart! because everyone knows that you can't have a picnic basket without having a good time. be prepared for glitter and rainbows folks...

with this basket comes plans. i'm talking serious plans. plans that include blankets, apple slices, a thermos of something cold to drink, and peanut butter sandwiches. traipsing through the hay field to get the perfect sunny spot and then snapping the blanket out on the ground while my boys chase butterflies or lizards or sword fight with sticks. then we'll eat and discuss the blue sky and green grass and pursuing joy in everything we do. or maybe we'll pretend that we are stranded on an island and we're hiding from pirates. or maybe we've made it to narnia somehow and we've stopped for lunch before making the trek to the stone table to meet up with aslan.

(i told you to be prepared for glitter and rainbows here people!)

anyway, i have plans for this basket. i may even strap the boy to my back, traipse around the hay field, and try my hand at a picnic for two tomorrow. we'll see. for now, though, i'll stick to dreaming about the trips this basket will go on. i'll start planning excursions now so that i have a stock pile of ideas ready when silas or elijah asks for an adventure. every good adventure needs a good lunch. and every good lunch needs a picnic basket!

sleepy

i had no desire to get out of bed today. i'm talking about i really prayed hard that silas would just go back to sleep so that i could re-close my eyes and drift back into a wondrous slumber. it didn't work. this is one prayer that i'm wishing God would have answered. oh well.

i'm starting to be over being pregnant. i'm getting beat up from the inside, not sleeping well, can't get comfortable, and i'm having problems playing with silas. he wants to be rough and tumble, and i'm fine with that, but he wants me to be rough and tumble with him. i just can't do it. praise the Lord that dave is rough and tumble with him. he gets home and 'rough houses' with silas and he gets his fix. for the most part.

my brain isn't working. so i'm just going to go for a list.

-i'm tired.
-my dryer has stopped working again. praise the Lord for a clothes line and warm weather.
-i love cheese. any kind. cheddar slices on whole wheat bread has become my go to snack. i'm even thinking about having it for breakfast.
-i'm praying for an early nap today. please God let silas take a nap early this afternoon!
-i'm too tired to write anymore.

rainy tuesday

today is one of those rainy lazy days. this morning silas and i sat on our porch swing and drank coffee and ate our breakfast. well, i drank coffee (half caff) and he drank apple juice. we ate cereal and yogurt with a few grapes thrown in for good measure. it was a good morning.

we clap and cheer every time it thunders at our house in hopes that silas won't be scared of thunder storms. as if on cue, the thunder started shortly after we ate breakfast (thankfully! clapping and cheering while eating is a bit hard right now). silas immediately started clapping without me. it was fun to see him start on his own, without my prompting. usually he gets this weird look on his face with loud thunder, then starts cheering after i do. today he did it on his own! so proud of that little dude.

i had more planned, but dave just walked in the door. so i'll be back for more later. maybe!