Wednesday, May 4, 2011

what is it with me and 2 am blogging?

again, shouldn't i be sleeping? i completed what was on my list for the night for homework, i crawl under my covers, try to fall asleep, and nothing. my brain is still going 3 million miles a second, going every direction, not slowing down, and i can't get it to shut up. i hate that about me sometimes. during the day when i need my brain to go in all those different ways it's great! i love that my brain can handle a bunch at once. i can sing to my son, read an article, catch up on the news, and possibly drink a cup of coffee all at once. but at night. JUST SHUT UP! i scream that to myself on a regular basis.

i used to have this great way of getting myself to sleep. it was a variation of self hypnosis. it was great! i would describe, in excruciating detail, a movie theatre. i would start in the lobby and describe everything about it. how it smelled, what color the carpet was, how the lights looked. then i would go inside. the walls were black, the lights were grey, the carpet muffled my footsteps. i mean i described every.single.thing to myself. then, after choosing a seat i would watch, and count, as numbers came up on the screen. i would regulate my breathing so that i would breathe in when the number popped up and breathe out when it floated back down. i never made it past 15.

well, that doesn't work anymore. for some reason i can't do it. i just can't. i can't concentrate long enough to get out of the lobby and into the actual theatre. AND IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS! that was my fool proof way of getting to sleep for years. i need a new technique. any suggestions?

anyway, maybe if i make a list of the things running through my head my brain will shut off. so here goes:

-i really need to do laundry
-i need to get some formula for silas. asap. i'm praying that we have enough to make it through until dave gets home. if not, field trip with the boy!
-i'm sick to my stomach tonight. not sure why, but i seriously feel ill. like i need to sleep in the bathroom with my head over the toilet ill. it's not pleasant.
-what is with this weather getting cold again? my heater kicked on tonight. i'm not thrilled. not thrilled at all.
-i killed a hornet today. i didn't know it was a hornet at the time. i had to do a google image search. i'm not thrilled about a hornet in my house. the first thing that popped into my head after i killed it was "where are the others?" please God let there not be others!
-i'm in serious need of some husband wife time. and i'm not just talking bedroom time either. i want to be able to talk to my husband without a baby filling up all the minutes. i want to lay next to him and not have the boy between us. i love silas with my entire heart, but i need some dave/sarah time!
-with that revelation, i feel like a bad mom
-my eyes are so tired.
-i'm done.
-hopefully i can sleep now!

hope your night/day/morning/whatever is full of living and loving!

1 comment:

  1. i was just reading your list and was shouting YES!(ok, nodding in agreement since the pie is sleeping)about the needing time with your husband. for mother's day my mountain man and i dropped the pie off with my mom for some time alone and to run errands. we went and looked at cars, we looked online at houses, we went to target to buy a baby gate, we went to the produce stand. and you know what? the time alone was amazing, the best mother's day gift. it was so nice to have mental space for each other again. the bedroom time has been lacking because of co-sleeping, the time to talk because of long commutes. but we had lunch and ran errands and had each other, and it reminded me of how and who we used to be. it was bittersweet, but i recommend it. find a babysitter and go for a drive or run errands or just sit on the porch. it's worth it.