adjusting

adjusting is the theme for this past week, and i'm sure for weeks to come. elijah is adjusting to being on the outside. silas is adjusting to having a brother and everything that entails. dave and i are adjusting to what it means to be parents of two. we, as a family of four, are adjusting to being. just being.

silas is having a hard time, and i can understand that. he doesn't really have a way to express his emotions and it's coming out in aggressive actions and temper tantrums. he will randomly smack whoever he is closest to (and this has been elijah on several occasions). he has started banging his head on the floor when he doesn't get his way. whining all day. i feel bad for him. i feel like i spend half (or more) of the day telling him 'no' or losing my patience with him because he has smacked, or head butted, me in the face. again. i don't want to be that mom. the one that is constantly yelling or disciplining her children. i want the good to outweigh the bad, but right now...well. we're adjusting.

elijah's jaundice is getting better. he is still a bit yellowish, but not nearly as bad as what it was. he's adjusting quite well to the feeding schedule that the doctor wants him on. two to three ounces every two to three hours. i, on the other hand, am not adjusting well. i feel like i'm constantly feeding him and i would KILL for a block of about five hours of sleep. deep, uninterrupted sleep. i know it's what is best for him, so i do it and i do it gladly, but i'd kill for some good sleep.

dave has been home with us since the day before elijah was born. he goes back to work tomorrow. he's not looking forward to leaving the boys. silas and him have become super tight over the past week and he's loving that new facet of their relationship and hating that he's leaving me alone and still recovering. he's looking forward to going back to work, but would love to stay with us a little bit longer. he's also adjusting to lots less sleep. since i've got elijah duty, he's taken over all silas's night time needs. which lately have been many. he's up several times a night, sometimes for long stretches. he's adjusting. i won't say he's adjusting well, but he is adjusting!

we are learning what it means to be a family of four. we are evolving into something that i like very much. not that i didn't like our family before, it's just well...we're adjusting and fitting everyone in and making special time for everyone. it's great. dave and i make sure to spend time with each son, individually, every day. then we get our time when they go to bed. we're adjusting.

sometimes i think we're adjusting quite well. other times i think i'm failing at this parenting thing. but we'll adjust. move forward. grow. learn. be. i'm working really hard on just being.