Dear Boys,

right now, at 3:54 am, there is really only one boy but later this morning there will be two. elijah will join silas as the sons of sarah allen! that kind of sounds like a western. ask your daddy or papas about that though.

I don't actually have to be up for about an hour to get ready to go to the hospital, but i can't sleep. i'm wondering how silas is doing over at granny's house and i'm wondering how elijah is doing in my tummy. elijah, you're a couple hours from making your debut and i'm starting to wonder what you look like. what color is your hair? do you favor me or your daddy more?

my heart seems to be in two different places this morning. is that possible? my entire heart is with silas as he's getting ready to have his world turned upside down. here's the thing though! my entire heart is here with elijah right now as well. i'm praying that he will find his place in this family. not just as the little brother, but as elijah. it's a good thing a mama's love doesn't have to be divided and that it can be multiplied. i feel like i'm bursting with all this love!

i'm not going to lie, though. i'm a little worried about the pair of you. will you be great friends or life long opposites who can't get along? it is my prayer that you will each have your own personality, but that you will fit together like peas and carrots. that you will be separate, but best of friends. elijah, i am so glad that your brother is not going to be an only child. don't get me wrong, i like being an only child, but i feel...well, i'm just glad that silas will have you to lean on and that you can lean on him. when things get tough, and there will be tough times, you will have each other. don't forget that. you will have each other.

i need to start getting ready to go to the hospital, but i just want you both to know that i love you. silas, you made me a mama and you're my first. i love your crooked smile and mop of blonde curls. i love that you love to run and play and be rough housed. i love your adventure seeking spirit that is already coming out. i love you for who you are.

elijah, i haven't met you yet, but know that i already love you to the moon and back. you're my second boy. the one who multiplied the love in this house. the reason that i can't stop thinking about brothers and their bonds. bonds to each other. bonds to their daddy and especially bonds they have with their mamas. i can't wait to meet you!

love,
mama